So I got half talked into do the horror movie challenge, as it is day 2 and I'm already behind it is going to be a bit of a half assed effort but it should be fun none the less. the list is beneath the cut :)






( List!! )

I find peace in strange places.

Like in the freezer at work. When the door closes tight and the fan isn't blowing and it is so still and so quiet. There is a smell there, the smell of the cold and its probably the only time I have ever enjoyed it.

Like a bus with all the lights turned off late at night. It doesn't happen often but when it does the other passengers might well be ghosts for what I can see of them, its just their silhouettes. I'm surrounded by people and yet I don't feel like it at all.

Like standing in the rain, listening to the water fall all around you, in the trees, in puddles, on you. Clothes cling and glasses are blurred with raindrops but it's alright because I want to be there.

These places are solitary I know, but it doesn't matter to me.

Maybe, tonight I will sleep well, I won't have so many things on my mind and I won't wake up feeling ill. Even if I don't though I think I will be fine for the few moments of peace I had today.

"Why do I always do this? I fall in love with someone then I get all these ideas, and then I feel brokenhearted. And it's always my fault."

"Why do I always allow myself to cling to these kind of false hopes? [...] That's why these things never work out for me."


I was watching anime this afternoon to unwind from a stressful day at work. It was a girly anime and I won't lie it was shonen ai (World's Greatest First Love), but the two quotes above are from one of the characters that was introduced this episode and I couldn't help but think "Wow, that sounds familiar" like really familiar, just like all the crazy things that go on in my head when I crush on a boy.

I can't decide if this is comforting, to know that Im not so strange that a person can't come up with this kind of thing for their character. Or be depressed cause fluffy anime isnt the best at representing real people...

I'm sick and tired of being this way all the time. Sick, tired and pathetic. One thing would be nice. Anything would be nice.

I am not feeling the aster...

I hate not being able to write. It's been a real problem of late. It use to be just my creative writing but school work is getting harder... this could of course be cause I'm 4 weeks away from graduating but still it sucks.

I have so many ideas running through my head at any give time and then about three different ways I can tell that particular story. Maybe that's my problem, over thinking it... its a very me problem.

I need to make myself sit down and just write again. like the good old days...

 So a week or so ago while talking with my ever wonderful roommate about all the weird experiences she has had in her house. I replied with something about how I am not scare at all in my house because nothing weird has ever happened to me there. So guess what happened the other night, it was something weird.

There is a rational explanation I'm sure as it happened at about 1 and 7 in the morning. I have this phone in my room, this massive blue thing that is done like an old timey phone. It is kind of the bane of existence some days cause the sound of a phone can wake me up real easy. Such was the case Sunday night when at about 1 or 2 am I woke up, confused for a moment I then heard the dial tone on my phone, it had some how slipped off the cradle. I didn't think much of it then but later I thought about how the cradle is and how difficult it would be to fall off the cradle on its own, especially since it wasn't even all the way off. Anyways I pushed it back onto the cradle and feel back asleep.

A few hours later probably around 7 I woke up again. I figured it was the sounds of my dad getting ready for the day that roused me, it doesn't happen often but it does. However as I was laying there I heard a little voice saying "your call could not be completed, please hang up and try your call again". My phone had come off the cradle again, Not only that but something had hit the buttons otherwise I wouldn't give me that message. Now what could have happened is my dad had made a call before my phone was off the hook (if it had been off the hook too long before it wouldn't have worked, also there is a light on the main floor phone saying a phone is off the hook) and then as he was on the phone it happened to come off. It seems like a very specific set of happens to have worked but it is the only thing I can think off. As far as I know nothing has changed in my room and it has never done this before so I don't know.

I unplugged the phone though.

So every year I come up with a ton of cosplay stuff and never do it, and well, I'm doing that again. The ideas I have are a little simpler than most years but its going to take a bit to get them together. So in no particular order:

( It ended up kinda long so... CUT! )

One of these days I'm not going to rant about boys, but today is not that day. Random discussions at work some how got me thinking about this. This is a little different than before, but again something I needed to say, so here it goes in my rant box.



I'm sorry, and I'm pretty sure I never said that to you. I'm sorry because it was my fault. I could have talked to you, it could have turned out so much better than it did, or at least could have ended better than it did. I'm sorry because I hurt you and I think that maybe I should let you know its because I had (still have) some issues. Your a great guy, nice and funny and a lot of other things, better than I deserved I think, and I messed up.

I wonder if look back though, I'm romanticizing things, but still six years later I think back on it and feel bad. I also wonder if this is something I should tell you, the real you, rather than the fake one I'm writing to in order to at least kind of deal with current issues. Is it something you want to hear or am I just opening old wounds? Are you over it or do I really need to make amends.

Either way, I really am sorry.


/rant

So I've decided I needed to make a record of this because I'm becoming more and more convinced that this is what is going to happen and just in case it does I want a record so that I can say I called it. Of course I can end up being totally wrong, hell with my track record for this kind of thing I probably am, but anyways:

My Predictions of DooM

Jesse Turner, the cutest little anti-christ that ever there was is behind most of the weird shit that has been happening this season. What ever he believes becomes truth and he just got introduced to the supernatural and maybe he is reading the wrong kind of books or just believing what he wants to and thats how it all gets messed up like it is.

I also think he brought Sam back, he has the power after all and Sam was the one that was nice to him. Samuel Campbell, he was brought back by mistake, the wrong Sam in the same family tree (this would make more sense if they had the same last name but they don't and I don't care)

I'm still trying to figure out what's wrong with Sam and who the Campbells are working for but nothing yet.

Things I would like to see happen:

I want the rings to come back into play. Dean is still holding onto the keys to the box that could start the apocalypse back up again. I don't actually want it to (even if I miss Lucifer) but it would be nice to have some angels or something come after them. I imagine a lot of things had their eyes on the battlefield that day from a distance (its the battle for the end of the world, come on!) and they would have heard Sam say the words that open the box, so it would be do able.

I'd like to see them address the fact that where he shows up in old writing (Book of Enoch stuff) Azazel is a fallen angel. I want him to be the same thing in the show, and for there to be others too. I mean when a human goes to hell he turns into a demon, why not an angel too. Could also explain why he has yellow eyes and not the standard issue white.

I want a bunch of other things too, but the only other one I can remember right now is complete crack, but I guess I'll just have to go with that. I want more gods, particularly the children of Loki. I love Gabriel so much and I'm such a dork for all things Hel and Fenrir that how could I not want this. I would settle for any of the gods though, some Greek ones would be nice. I would also settle for some other Nephilim, though I don't know what angel would be going around making them if it weren't Gabriel.


Aaaanyways, that was long winded. Its all I can think of too.... I need a Supernatural Icon