Its strange when something hits out of the blue as inspirational or deeply moving. As of this morning it has happened to me a grand total of twice.

The first time was while I was listening to a song, (Hospital Vespers) by the Weakerthans, the first time I was listening to the song I wasn't really paying attention at least up until the last line of the song, "Before the nurses came took you away, I stood there on a chair and watched you pray." It just sort of hit me when I heard it, I don't quite know what about it but something in that line just moved me.

Today we were talking about Gandhi in class, his life and that stuff. We got to the part about the hunger strike and about how at one point in time some one broke into the house where he was staying and begged him to start eating again. They got into a conversation and the man tells Gandhi that his son had been killed by the Muslims so he in turn had killed a Muslim boy and knew that he was now going to hell. Gandhi tells him there is a way to make this at least a little better, adopt a Muslim child and raise him as his own, and raise him to be Muslim.

Talking about that and the entire hunger strike, I had to put an effort into not crying in the middle of class. It was another situation where Im not quite sure why it happened, but it just hit me that he was an amazing man.

Ship wars bother me. People need to get over themselves. Why is the concept to each his own so hard to understand for some people. Yeah some people like Nick/Edgeworth and some like Nick/Maya and some like Nick/Iris and so many other combinations of all the characters. Some people are going to want to do bad or stupid or down right ridiculous things to get their pairings to work but here is the thing. YOU DON't NEED TO READ THEM. Just close the window and ignore it. There are good fanfics out there that you can find. I have read good Nick/Iris with Miles around as well as good Nick/Miles with Maya still around and good friends with Nick, its out there, if you want it enough to spend time and effort complaining about how other people are bashing your ship, then go and look for it. Or better yet, write it yourself.

BE MATURE. Cause I know not all of you are 12 year old trolls.

I'm posting this here and away from people that would actually have an opinion on it in order to not feed said trolls.

Also Robertson Davies quote in the title. It seems a little off quoting actual literature in a post where I rant about fanfiction, a form of writing that can be at times the lowest form of the craft (not all of it, some is well written, but a lot of it is bad.

I should stop listening to gaming podcasts... they make me want to buy things. New SMT game, new Zelda, Assassin's Creed 2, Boarder Lands, Left 4 Dead 2... and of course this is all in the year I decide not to ask my parents for actual presents of course.

Ive decided I need to beat Phantom Hourglass, Mass Effect, ODST or maybe even Prince of Persia over the break... clearly not all of them, though I'd like to but to cross at least on off my list would be nice.

- I am a stunted Man-Child, deny it as I might thats what I am deep down.

- Its very strange when you realize some one really trusts you when you didn't really expect it.

- I'm far too harsh on gaming companies sometimes

- I am a wimp

- My luck is terrible

- All my ideas come from video games even when I don't realize it (Damn you FFX)

- I found it surprising pointy is word... Im special

- I wanna play excite bike

- Harvest Moon genetic experiment = epic

Also according to my podcast I'm a little abnormal in the gamer sense as I refer to myself as a gamer and am female.

SO I felt the need to rant video games today. Though I actually for got my first point I'll go right into the second one.

Nintendo and their pipe dreams is a big one. I've been watching a lot of G4 lately so ep daily and x play and I was amused to hear that Nintendo wants to try and give Modern Warfare 2 with their new Mario game, and that made me laugh. They can't be serious can they? In the town I live in for school I had heard that MW2 sold out all over town in a few hours of the stores opening. Okay Yeah Mario will sell well but it won't sell that well. And probably for a lot of reasons. I'm angry with Nintendo, what they're going is smart business, targeting casual gamers but it still hurts that they're throwing hardcore gamers aside. So I might be biased.

Also something I randomly just read when looking up FFXIII, people need to get over FFXII battle system. Whether they think its new and awesome, or that it sucked, people need to realize its the exact same as it was in the past. The only difference is that you don't have to stand in a line and can run in circles. Its nothing new. While im actually excited about XIII I realize it too is probably going to be nothing all that new, Squenix isn't always the most creative when it comes to that title... Why the Mana games are awesome... again... biased.

Im excited about Ace Attorney Investigations and Last Window (Hotel Dusk sequel) point and click adventures are done right these days

So recently on G4 they've been showing trailers for Prince of Persia: Sands of Time... the movie... since they'd be late advertising the game. I'm excited about this cause not only do I really enjoy the PoP series I also happen to think Jake Gyllenhaal, very very attractive. I'm a little apprehensive though cause video game movies are rarely ever good.

There is also the whole I'm not sure where they're going with the plot, cause its clearly only partially following the first game from which it gets the name. He is dressed like emo prince of the second game and I've seen the dagger tail, the weapon of the dark prince (third game) in the trailer. There is also a scene that has the prince and something that looks strangely like the glowy markings the dark prince has. This might not make it bad, Im just curious.

So look as it has crazy stunts and at least some witty comedy then I'll be happy cause thats what I liked about the games.

Also if Jake Gyllenhaal random looses articles of clothing like the prince does in the first game... I'm not going to complain

In the most recent version of Pride and Prejudice, the one with Keira Knightly when Mr. Darcy first confesses his love to Elizabeth, when they're in the rain and he says "I love you, most ardently" ... and then she rejects him. But I love it cause I love rain, particularly at sappy moments, and because I'm in love with Mr. Darcy.

So I has laptop now, quite excited. Decided I needed to post about it... but I don't have a lot to say save for:

First hobo!phoenix and now hobo!Hei, its almost like a conspiracy...

it also gives my brain bad cross over ideas... baaaad

Today has been a good TV Day for me. New Darker than Black was released this morning, Dollhouse episode 3 and a show that I find myself quite liking even though I was skeptical about it in the first place, Stargate Universe. Dollhouse was even about a serial killer and had very epic moments, like the "This thing he is doing here, yeah its going to break the world one day."

In switching between Dollhouse and SGU I caught the end of Sanctuary and something hit me, a lot of sci-fi shows have a big evil corporation as the big bad of the series. I haven't caught up with Sanctuary but that seems to be where that was going, defiantly seemed like that was where Fringe was going from what I've heard, and there sure are elements of that in Terminator: SCC but then again that was kind of a thing going down in the original Terminator too, what with Cyberdyne. But it just amused me because I'm almost certain there is an essay in there somewhere, about statements on the world around you in Sci-fi... you know the usual essay stuff.... hey schmaltz is in the dictionary, as is cyberpunk, nifty.

I've been doing stuff like this a little more often then normal, deep analyzing thinky when I watch or read things these days. Like the other day reading the school newspaper. They were talking about plans for the campus and how they were thinking about having buildings first few floors businesses and the upper floors student buildings. Now it didn't say quite what student buildings is but to me is says residences, cause after all they say they want 15k students and there is barely enough residences for the 2.5k that we have now. This amused me though because a day before I was reading this, I was in a class talking about how this kind of set up is not good, its been like shown that it can cause more crime cause you get random people around and those who live there can't tell if they belong or not. That was one of the nice things about my res only having 28 people, I knew everyone in the building.

But anyways, this has caused me to digress from my original topic of tv... Yay tv.

So I decided a long time ago I wanted to write a series of letters from my characters to othere characters, letters they either couldn't or wouldn't send, sort of personal stuff. I've written a couple of these and never did anything with them. Then I got bored tonight and decided to write around other one... and decided to post it. So here it is.

( Letter From a Dark Room #1 )

 So I'm being random and ranty

I was just reading a bunch of stuff about someone I follow on DA and while I don't normally care for bashing people, I looked somethings up and saw that some of it was indeed true.

Okay, so I don't care about half the stuff still but the other half... not liking ConCrit? okay so critisim can be hard some times but honestly if you want to improve, which most people do, even if they are comfortable with their style and don't wnat to change it, there is always, ALWAYS room to improve and how are you gonna know how if people don't tell you where you need it? Also I can't help to think that showing off your or so you can just hear praise and only praise and than penalizing those who don't want to... I don't understand.

I also get annoyed by the people on FF.net who say they'll only post the next chapter when they get reviews but thats a whole different thing

I had another ranty thing but I think I forgot so I'll leave it here.

Im trying not to think about how I feel my birthday is cursed, it usually has me stressing out more than I need to this time of year. Its becoming harder and harder though, as my birthday closer, more bad stuff is starting... I just need to calm down and not think about it... pray too, pray that its going to be alright...

It hit me today like a brick in the face that I'm not the same, I'm the one on the outside when it comes to the two of them. We're all close and friendly when we're together but I'm never the one they turn to or talk to when they're upset... I always find out things like weeks later when its clear the two of them have had long conversations about it... What I'm feeling right now is hard to explain, there is a good chance I'm over reacting after the bad new of earlier today... ugh... I feel drained...

I feel old... and kinda useless

I had the tv playing in the background, like I normally do and it started into the news. The of course eventually got to the topic of the Stanley Cup, what with the finals having ended last night, it was news and all. At the end of the story the anchor adds something that goes along the lines of "Crosby is the youngest captain to win the Stanley Cup at 21"

The guy is my age, or at least the age I'm going to be in roughly a month. He is my age and he is a seriously accomplished athlete, not just on a team that won the cup but the captain. The guy could probably live the rest of his life off money made in endorsements and than add the millions the Penguins pay the guy.

This news also comes after finding out that Joss Whedon, a man I have, on numerous occasions, said is my hero, wrote the script for the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer at the age of 19. Sure you might say that movie sucks, and really it is kinda bad but that, not his fault, he walked away from the movie after he and the director (who is now trying to remake the movie) had a bunch of disagreements, Whedon's script from what I understand (I havent read it myself though Im sure its somewhere out there on the internets) is much better and much more the feel he would later give the show.

And here I am... 20 years old and I work at a Tim Hortons.... it depresses me a little.

I hate my stomach... hate it.

Sick at work again today, not like I couldn't function or anything, I did my eight hours but it was not pleasent.

Also, need to not be temped to rage at certain co-workers who like to talk to me as if I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sorry I asked you to make a bagel for me when all you were doing was stocking, I thought with how much you get on my case about how I need to pick up the pace and serve people faster you wouldn't think its that big of a deal. Also sure go ahead and talk to people when we're dead, if you want to be friendly with customers thats cool, but dont do it when there is like two or three people standing in line. I don't need to take this crap from someone who didn't even know we had boxes for 12 donuts. I can't wait until I get to be on days again... everyone there should know what they're doing.

... Okay, that was my rant... I feel a little better now.


now back to the school work that will be the death of me...

so I must destroy your pants to create a better world...

In Shaman King mode again, its fun times. Re-re-reading the manga cause I always forget where I left off last time and stuff like that as well as playing all my Mankin games and such. I don't doubt that shortly I'll be hitting up ff.net for some stories... and reading Shaman King Who's Line is it Anyway for like the millionth time (and doing the pants quiz too)

I have decide that Hao was really good looking when he looked like Silva and also reading the bit with the vampire shaman and it amused me cause the way he talks about dracula, it reminded me of Ender, then again most things remind me of Ender these days (like swimming last night...) but the whole he was a war hero who was later thought of as a murdering monster... it was good times.

anyways back to Mankin I go.

I have more than one which is what happens when I sit and read inspirational qutoes to kill time and stuff like that. I'll put down the few that I can actually remember at this particular point in time.

"Let the rain be your applause," from Benidiction by the Weakerthans. I like this one because to me it says you don't need other people's approval, you can have the rain or the like cheer you on.

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear." - Mark Twain.

And those are the only ones I can think of right now....

So I finished Ender's Game last night. It was amazing, one of the best books I've read in a long while. I read the last 100 pages in one go, finished at 2 in the morning dispite being tried and wanting to sleep earlier, I just couldn't put the book down.

The ending of that book is epic, it left me sad and another feeling I couldn't quite place, weird feeling, its hard to explain all I felt but it was a lot and hat is what made it so awesome. I think this might have been the, or at least one of the first books to ever make me sad without killing my favourite character.

For a minute there I thought I was odd for thinking because a book made me sad it was a good book, but thats not that weird, I mean for it to move me so much emotionally the author had to be doing something right. It would be the same if I were real happy, or relieved or something like that at the end of the book.

So I started reading Ender's Game on Sunday, I'm over half done and granted its not the biggest book, its still been a long while since I just sat and read. I'm probably going to finish it tomorrow between working on school projects and the like, in fact it is taking strength to not keep reading it now, but there is things I wanna do online.

Its throwing me through a bit of a loop though. I dunno what is fair game in this. In most things children are not, but this is a story about children being train to be soldiers so... Though they haven't been in any real sort of danger yet I still felt I had to stop myself before I said out loud that the one character was growing to be my favourite.

It would seem I like stories that involve children in groups or odd social situations. I doubt there is a coincidence that I'm really liking this book and that Lord of the Flies is one of my favourite books.... I can't think of any other good examples of that right now, but I like stories like that. So now, whats going to happen is my brain is gonna try and come up with its own.

I like the title says, more Mark Twain quotes

“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”

"There are some books that refuse to be written. They stand their ground year after year and will not be persuaded. It isn't because the book is not there and worth being written -- it is only because the right form of the story does not present itself. There is only one right form for a story and if you fail to find that form the story will not tell itself."

“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”

“It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.”

“What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself”